A year ago

It’s been a year since Matthew Perry’s passing and I’m glad he stuck around long enough to give us the best Friends reunion we could ask for. He fought for years against alcohol and drugs problems, but I won’t talk about it because we all already know the ins and outs of that story. 

Many things have changed over the past year but I still find myself returning to the tragedy of Matthew’s life.

What was meant to be a time of mourning, instead, turned into a media issue: his book saw remarkable success, almost as if it had been released posthumously or as though he had intended to leave something behind in writing before he died.

A difficult childhood, dependence on smoking and alcohol, the need to repress his feelings, and all the relationships cut short out of fear of exposing himself, all these reveal just how deeply Matthew identified with Chandler.

It’s hard to say where the character ended and the person began: Chandler may have found his happy ending, but what about Matthew? Could he count on a scripted resolution?

After 10 years of Friends he felt lost. No more constraints, principles, something to hold onto, nothing to keep him steady. Without the routine of work and the the constant support of his castmates, Perry fell into a downward spiral. Emotional pain and a lack of direction led him back to substances, trapping him in a cycle that seemed impossible to break.

Jennifer, Courtney, Lisa, Matt and David weren't just Friends to him: they were part of the reason he held on a little longer.

The way they still talk about him, with such deep respect for the person he was beyond his struggles, says it all. Matthew brought warmth and laughter to those around him, creating a welcoming space wherever he went. He was always more than just someone needing to be saved.

I remember well a phrase that was like his personal motto: If there is silence in a room, I will try to fill it as soon as humanly possible. I can’t think of a better way to capture who he was.

Learning of his passing was the hardest wake up call I’d had in a long time. 

How did it happen? He had been clean for years.

His body had taken a beating over the years. At 49, he was declared dead for two minutes before a miracle, or whatever you want to call it, brought him back because clearly, he was not supposed to die that day. He believed he didn’t deserve that second chance. If that miracle wasn’t meant for him, it seemed to mean we weren’t ready to lose him yet.

Before that, he had been slowly fading away, accepting his fate. However, that second chance must have ignited something within him: for the first time since Friends, he found himself with a new purpose

A particular event helped him open up to his situation: after surviving a surgery with a 2% chance of success he returned to his psychologist, who pointed out that he often used pain as an excuse to turn to substances. It was as if the psychologist was saying, You’re dancing with the devil, man. Or, in Perry’s own words: Could it BE more dangerous?

He had to pull himself out because if he truly wanted to help others, he needed to get clean first.

I think it’s every actor’s nightmare to be stuck in one role forever. Matthew aspired to do more, to give more, and to leave something good to be remembered for. He dedicated himself to helping others, even opening his home as a refuge for those struggling with addiction, and made it a safe haven for those in need.

If Matthew Perry’s life was a Dickens novel, I’m sure this would have been his redemption.

Behind the fame, success, and "the Big Terrible Thing" was a self-aware, witty man who, in his own way, cherished life sometimes by making someone else’s a little bit better. Including mine. 

We love you Matty, and always will, even through Chandler. You taught us to appreciate life, showing us that we don’t need to be perfect or have everything to make someone else smile.

V