Never been friends

If I asked, “Do you think men and women can really just be friends?” Most of you would probably say no. Maybe it’s because deep down, you know how hard it is not to see women through a sensual lens. This, they say, hinders the possibility of building a genuine friendship, free from ambiguities.

But if two people struggle to be friends, how can they possibly manage being exes?

When we care about someone and start feeling something for them, we’d do pretty much anything to protect the relationship and everything that comes with it. Maybe that’s why, when a romantic relationship ends, we often cling to one wish: that at least friendship can survive, a bond strong enough to withstand the change.

But let’s be honest: it rarely does.

It doesn’t, but what if it does?

When it does Well, good luck, because it’s not friendship.

Making deals, splitting friends like divorce assets, avoiding certain topics to keep from reopening wounds. That’s not friendship. That’s just fear of being alone.

When two exes lose touch, it never feels like it’s really over. Social media keeps us tethered to the memory of someone who was once central to our lives.

You’re tied to the past, to feelings that are no longer there, to a habit you can’t quite quit. Sooner or later, though, one of the two will move on. Maybe it’s not even about love anymore. Perhaps it is true: jealousy is always the last to fade.

Now that I’ve made you think this is about me, let’s unveil the real stars of this story: the ultimate exes who were never really friends: Ross and Rachel.

For the few alienates who don’t know these icons, here's a brief recap: Ross had been in love with Rachel since high school.

After years of silent pining, their lives finally crossed paths at just the right (or wrong) time: he was newly divorced from his wife, who had left him for another woman, while Rachel was a runaway bride, renouncing her wealthy family to forge a new life on her own terms.

She’s looking for a job, and he’s looking for a straight woman to start with.

So, why not start with Rachel?

When Rachel realizes she shares Ross’s feelings, it’s unclear. But of course, she gets swept up in it because the plot requires it. And just as predictably, they break up in the third season.

They were on a break

Ross and Rachel’s most famous fight is legendary: “We were on a break!”

They were actually on a break, so Ross wasn’t that wrong when he slept with another woman. To be honest, even if it's childish, he did it out of jealousy. That same night, Rachel had invited Mark, the man Ross was most insecure about, over to her apartment. And to Ross’s credit, Mark wasn’t exactly hiding his intentions.

From there, Ross and Rachel go from being madly in love to barely able to share a room. Their friends, caught in the crossfire, stay neutral but often act inconsistently.

Phoebe, ever the voice of reason, is the first to feel uneasy. She asks Rachel’s permission to introduce a new girl to Ross. Rachel agrees, thinking it’s no big deal. But when she sees Ross’s new girlfriend, jealousy flares. In the presence of this new couple, Rachel’s real feelings surface.

Yes, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!" - she admits.

Jealousy lingers far longer than love, but in their case, the two remain intertwined.

She confesses, he confesses, and they kiss.

And how can we forget the infamous 18 pages front and back? Rachel’s fears and frustrations poured out in writing, and Ross, overwhelmed, falls asleep before finishing.

It's as clear as day: their love is still there, but it’s not their time yet.

Emily

It might have been her quintessential English demeanor, her haircut, or the sudden way she appeared, but from the very first scene, we all disliked her. The only one who seemed even more out of touch than Ross was Emily. How could he even think about marrying a woman he barely knew, after just two weeks?

From her very first appearance, she seemed out of place, like a stand-in for something greater. For this and other reasons, it’s hard not to dislike her; she has a certain quality that drives you crazy.

How could Ross consider marrying someone he barely knew after just a few weeks?

Rewatching it, it became clear to me: Ross, still reeling from Carol's betrayal and his disappointment with Rachel, was searching for certainty.

Ross wasn’t fighting for Emily; he was fighting for the idea of stability and marriage. Reeling from his past heartbreaks, he convinced himself that he was the problem, the reason his relationships failed. Desperate for certainty, he clung to Emily like a lifeline, driven by the fear of failure and the terror of another chance at happiness slipping through his fingers.

In many ways, Emily became his version of Victoria for Ted: the feeling of being so close to happiness yet never quite reaching it.

Because the real "other half" wouldn’t ask you to give up an important part of your life, even if that part is an ex.

Ross and Rachel’s story teaches us that sometimes, the only person who can truly accept our baggage is the one who has already carried it with us. Ted and Tracy, however, show us something different: we aren’t as alone in our struggles as we think. Somewhere in the world, there's someone who understands the weight of our baggage, even if they didn’t help pack it.

Emily couldn’t accept Ross's baggage, and in her desperate attempt to salvage a doomed marriage, she tried to force him to shed what she deemed unnecessary. But how could Ross give up one of his best friends? How could he turn his back on his sister's roommate? And, above all, how could he distance himself from the most important person in his life?

After losing his home, his furniture, and even his town for her, Emily had no right to ask him to cut out Rachel as well.

Emily’s jealousy wasn’t meaningless, but it highlighted an undeniable truth: Rachel and Ross were never really friends.

Relationship

Ross and Rachel never fully celebrate each other’s successes, especially when it comes to relationships. There is always something or someone that doesn’t quite sit right with them. A subtle sense of satisfaction often lingers in witnessing the other’s missteps: Rachel’s younger boyfriend and Ross’s not-quite-girlfriend who paid him to babysit—neither posed a genuine threat. These fleeting flirtations were never serious, keeping the door to Ross and Rachel’s relationship ajar.

As long as that door remains even slightly open, both of them know there will always be a chance to find their way back to each other.

Emily, however, was the greatest threat to their happy ending. Even The most serious relationship that followed, however significant, have never had the same impact. They have always been overshadowed by the arrival of Emma, who has become the bond that has kept Ross and Rachel together through all.

Emily was a real threat. But even her presence could not close that door completely. In the end, it was Emma, the unexpected result of a night of passion, who kept Ross and Rachel together.

Emma

Emma was the pretext that kept them tied in recent seasons. When you have a child in common, that little life becomes the top priority, creating a visceral bond that can’t be broken.

Rachel might’ve gone to Paris, Ross might’ve racked up a few more failed marriages. But eventually, one of them would have given up to his feelings.

Ross and Rachel’s story has become iconic, even for those who have never watched Friends. They’re the couple that keeps you guessing, even when you already know how it ends. From the instant Ross greets Rachel with that awkward smile in Central Perk, it’s clear: they’re endgame. 

The real secret to their love?

They were never really friends.

V